Commando ladies

Some women have the most peculiar way of crossing streets. They want to cross in an illegal spot but, at the same time, avoid being hit by a car. So what do they do? They hide behind someone else's back. Brilliant. Doesn't that make you feel safer? To have someone else's body between you and the car zooming in your direction?

I've encountered one of those women this evening. I sometimes cross streets illegally, too - when I'm in a hurry or it's raining and I don't have an umbrella. It was drizzling today so I decided to cross a six lane road right where I got off the bus. When the traffic stopped at a red light at some distance, I successfully crossed three lanes. I was walking happily along the grassy divider, waiting for the light to change for the other tree lanes. Obviously, I was sure I was alone there, in the middle of the night, the broad divider as well as of my illegal act. All of a sudden I heard someone say right into my ear: "Are we going to make it across?" Man, I jumped! I turned around, startled, and there was a middle-aged platinum blonde in a green anorak behind my back, in a proximity suitable for lovers rather than complete strangers on a desolate street. Or for a thief, and I was carrying a backpack containing my wallet on my back. Instinctively, I tried to move out of her way but she continued to hide behind my back as if she had received a professional army training! At this point I realized I was dealing with a "commando lady". There was no way she was going to be hit by anything while crossing that road! 'Cause I was going to be hit first and serve as her buffer! How sweet. But she was in for a disappointment. I stepped at least three yards away from her towards the middle of the divider, completely to the side from the direction we were both going. It became more than obvious that I didn't appreciate our being glued together. Having no other choice, she passed me and continued her risky enterprise all by herself. Turned her head to see who the uncooperative person was, while I purposefully stopped to let her catch some distance. She crossed alone. I followed after two or three cars passed by.

I had met my first of those commando ladies the other day when I was illegally crossing a huge intersection nearby. She was much younger, in her twenties, and much more determined. I literally couldn't get rid of her. Several times I would stop and then suddenly walk away from her, very fast, along the five lane road we were both about to cross but she kept following me! Her body all curled up close to the ground, like an athlete's waiting for a signal to run short distance, she was clutching her handbag and wouldn't let me move away! I mean that girl belonged in a basketball team. Unfortunately for her, I didn't. I'd rather miss the damned bus than let her use me as a live shield. It was then that I devised the maneouver of moving far to the side. I stepped way back and only then it dawned on her that I was not merely walking back and forth looking for the best moment to enter the road but that I actually wanted to cross that road independently of her. Wild-eyed, she ran for her life. I stayed behind in disbelief. After a while, having made sure no one else was hiding behind my back, I crossed the intersection, too.

I guess people are clever that way around here.